How I managed not to bawl at this wedding was a miracle. I started to cry when I saw my sister cry in the crowd as I walked down the aisle. But I tried to change my mood by dropping a joke to my dad (in the photos, you’ll see my talking face instead of a smiling or crying face). Thankfully, the chapel was also small and the walk was over in seconds. Mind you, this was different from my sister’s wedding in September. I cried like a baby. I cried so much, it was embarrassing. Like I wasn’t happy for anyone. I cried in the church and I cried on the van to the reception (as I was drafting my speech) and I cried when I made my speech.
But during my wedding, I just laughed a lot. You’ll see my face laughing at almost everything – from the signing of the contract, to our first dance, my dance with my father-in-law, and in lots of random photos. I don’t know why but maybe perhaps it was a reaction to being scared to cry… But perhaps, I was just happy. Happy to be starting forever with Jeremy.
Mind you, the road to 10th Feb was not easy. I was stressed 90% of the time. I broke down every other week. I was depressed for some time (was I really moving to France??). Jeremy and long-distance planning was not easy. I forgot so many last minute things, I vowed never to organize an event EVER in my entire life. I was running around like a lost chicken. Instead of enjoying the last few days of single hood, I wanted to kill Jeremy in his sleep. But in the end, I said to myself: let go, Rusty. Let go of the things that don’t serve you.
I realized that I didn’t have to have the “perfect” wedding. I had Jeremy, we were getting married, and I have my family and friends and Jeremy’s family and friends to celebrate with me. This was enough. The negative in me chose to focus on all the wonderful things in the wedding instead. And in the end, it was one for the books. I might not have had the photos I wanted, the songs I wanted (not to mention the piano for my grandma was not fine tuned), not to mention that the wedding cake was… (choosing not to comment on this one), and some moments in the reception was boring (I panicked. haha). But in the end, people remembered it as a beautiful wedding. And that was all that matters.